Saturday, 1 January 2011

Every idiot who goes about with 'Happy New Year' on his lips, should be boiled in his own lager, and buried with a roman candle through his heart


The world is a terrible place, and some people enjoy themselves too damned much in it.
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And not in a fatalistic, Sun Also Rises kind of way. In sheer, liberty-addled, pig-ignorant oblivion.
And New Year's Eve is their holy day.
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Do you know when New Year's Day first became an English public holiday?
No?
Go on, guess.
What do you think? On the signing of Magna Carta in 1215? With the restoration in 1660? In recognition of Queen Victoria's Jubilee in 1887? Surely not as recently as 1945?
Wrong.
It was 1974.
It is not some ancient, enshrined tradition. Unless you were Scottish or something, the idiot notion that there is anything worth celebrating in the act of throwing away the Megan Fox calendar you got last Christmas, and replacing it with the Babes of the Fire Service one you got this time, began then. In my lifetime and possibly yours.
The nocturnal possession of British streets by rowdy, violent, vomiting yahoos is scarcely a once-a-year event, I know. But at least they exude some vague awareness, most of the year, of the mechanistic tragedy of their existence, and exhibit a kind of fugitive stealth that recognises their anti-social status.
The trouble with New Year's Eve, as well as the sense of proud entitlement that comes with official sanction and dares you to object when they take a piss against your bicycle, and the sodding fireworks of course, is the added dimension of hideous forced merriment.
As well as the usual sounds of glass breaking, fist hitting jaw, vomit hitting kerb, men screaming advance warning to their girlfriends of violent retribution for some imagined gesture of disloyalty in the pub three hours previously, and that harder to define noise that sounds like a constipated ox being forced into the back of a Mini Metro and would appear to be just the noise they make while walking about, there are actual, frequent shouts of "Happy New Year!", as each superficially humanoid walking tragedy recognises another of its own kind, and feels the tender need to share the joy that his lifestyle gives him, and the hope that, next year, fifty two weekends spent face down in a car park while everything except his intestines leaves his body through the mouth and nose will be even more fun and rewarding than it has been in the past.
And not 'happy new year', either, the way you and I might say it, but for some reason 'happy new year', the way Americans say it.
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So what are they so happy about, if it so clearly cannot be anything in their own lives, or anything about the general concept of getting older and closer to death?
Perhaps they are so carefree and joyous because we live in such a wonderful world, so safe and secure, so well-governed, with so tight a leash kept on its maniacs and perverts. Because Armageddon is so unlikely a contingency. Because the freedoms that enable them to spend their free time attacking strangers and having sex behind bus shelters have never been so secure and impregnable against assault by rival worldviews. It could be because they know that the British political system is in such robust working order, and that the principles of adversarial democracy ensure that the views of the people are heard and voiced by their elected representatives, and that the necessary divergence of opinion exists between rival political parties. Doubtless the obvious and humbling integrity of our present government reassures them also. Or perhaps it is the joy of living under the benevolent, protective umbrella of the United Nations, who in 2010 helped slam the oven door shut on the world's homosexuals and Jews and will presumably top that this year by exuding an even more toxic cloud of sanctimony while consigning further innocent undesirables to the flames of Leftist ideological cowardice.
The future's never looked brighter.
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The obsession with the New Year, to me, has the tang of May Day parades and the Horst Wessel Song. It is a day to celebrate the triumph of state control and the propaganda that enforces it; its purpose is to distract the ignorant and intimidate the wary.

2 comments:

James Nicholas said...

It is a picture of a marked loss of civility, and a general cultural decline. Ah, to be young again! Well, if this is the present what future will these young citizens face when they in turn are in their middle, or worse, later years? Their future looks a tad dim... but that is their problem.

All the same, it is with real pleasure that I reach across the pond to wish the Venerable Bede a very hearty Happy New Year!!

The Venerable Bede said...

And likewise to you, of course. Thanks for looking in.